Pensée
by Ebil Chameleon
Summary: -RikuSora- Send a flower into the water and believe that it will make it to that one special person. If it does, you'll be with them forever. -For Kristen-


**For someone I love. =)**

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Yes, I'm frowning.**

**Anyways, the concept of the flower in the water blah blah, you'll see what I mean in a second was my idea (unless someone previously thought it up, then I'm sorry and I'm borrowing the idea, yeah, sue me) and I thought it was really nice.**

**Please enjoy and happy reading!**

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**Dedicated to .. because she is amazing and truly needs this. I love you with all of um…our?…half heart! You seriously are the bestest twin ever and no one will ever compare to you!**

**Now, for Frodo!**

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"_**Can miles truly separate you from friends…if you want to be with the one you love, aren't you already there?"**_

_**-**_**Richard Bach.**

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_It goes to say that when you send a flower off into the water, it will one day make its way to the one person you truly want it to go to._

The illuminated moon hung low in the sky, tempting the waves back and forth by the pull of its gravity. The shining light reflected off the leather cloak that was wrapped around the slender body of the figure that stood by the shore. A pair of slightly worn down black boots stood off behind him out of the reach of the lapping waves and his bare feet were coated with droplets of water as the water continued its droning path.

A bottle was in his hand, glistened in the night light, its contents small and hard to make out in the dim lighting. Inside its glass prison was a small blue flower, a pansy. It sat stationary, a delicate beauty about to embark on a journey.

_Each flower has a specific meaning. Dedicate that meaning to the person you wish for the flower to be sent to and think of who that person is; a lost friend, an unfound love, someone you can forever trust. _

The darkness gets to you, he thought to himself. The loneliness eats you alive and messes with your head. That one person has been so close, just beyond his grasp, but he couldn't stand to try and reach for him, not yet. He didn't want to be seen in the state he is. He didn't want his weakness to be revealed.

_If the flower makes it to the person, then you will undoubtedly meet or reconnect with them. But you have to believe with all your heart that the journey will be successful. _

The face of the one the flower was supposed to arrive to haunted his mind that night and for many nights before that. The same face, just smiling or looking so downtrodden. Either way it was heartbreaking to see what he couldn't have. In time, it would happen.

_All water is connected. There is no room to doubt that the flower will find your rightful counterpart. Have faith._

He kneeled down and gently set the glass bottle in the water, slowly straightening his legs again wishing he could see the flower float off. His eyes were concealed behind the black headband, his vision cut off. All he had were his other senses; the feel of the waves crashing into his ankles, the sounds of those waves hitting the beach, and the smell of salt in the air. He knew though, that if he tried hard enough, he could see the bottle drifting away, being carried off by the restless water, and off to wherever that person was.

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"You like her."

It wasn't a question and the tone wasn't much of an accusation. But it was a statement, made in an unsure sounding voice, like the speaker was determining whether they should really be saying such a thing.

"What are you talking about, Sora?" He let out a small breath as though trying to cover the sudden curiosity from the random question. Heels of the feet being dug into the sand, aqua eyes turned down to look at the brunette lounging on the soft grainy surface.

The boy remained silent and Riku figured he must be battling with himself internally. Perhaps it was an accusation made on false evidence? Maybe it'd been a random outburst and he didn't mean anything by it? Whatever it was, Riku was willing to give Sora time before answering since he seemed in deep thought. He turned his eyes back to the clear blue ocean, the palms of his hands burying deeper in the sand as his shoulders relaxed a bit more.

"I mean," Sora finally said after a drawn out moment of silence. "You like Kairi." To solidify his uncertainty, he added, "Right?"

Riku knew his answer to that question, but he wanted reasoning behind this before he said anything. "Why are you asking this Sora?"

The boy sat up and wrapped his arms around his drawn up legs while resting his chin atop his knees. He closed his eyes briefly before reopening them, their crystalline color a reflection of the ocean and sky. He bit his lip in an unsure gesture and inhaled a bit deeper than normal. "Two years ago, when we first got separated. I know that we were both looking for Kairi, and I know that you were upset because Donald said you couldn't come with us. But even when…" It was hard to understand why he was stumbling over his words. "Even when I tried to get you to work with me to find her, you refused. And you seemed to make it a competition. Like you were trying to see who could find her first and prove to be better. You were showing off and doing your best to knock me down. And I'm still convinced that you did it for her."

That was a long time ago, Riku thought. And those weren't his intentions at all. His feelings for both Sora and Kairi changed dramatically over the last span of two years. But how in the world could he say what he was really feeling. The possible reactions were seemingly endless and he was, admittedly to himself, afraid of a bad reaction. Since before Sora had saved him, he was afraid of showing himself to the brunette, for fear of what he might think.

So what did he say to try and make this better? The truth was the obvious answer but his voice was hiding.

"It's complicated," Riku admitted. That was a start, but it wasn't good enough and he knew it. "When this whole adventure first started…Sora, I was afraid. I wanted to get off this island and that was given to me, but it wasn't how I wanted it to be. I didn't know where you and Kairi were. So when I found you, I was so relieved to know that you were okay." He glanced sideways to check for some reaction and to make sure Sora was listening. He was met with clear eyes staring back which made him swallow a bundle of nerves. This is what this kid did to him, made him nervous when he was normally composed.

"I was angry when I was told I couldn't come with you. I was angry that you didn't put in a better effort to convince them to let me come. And I was jealous, because they were with you and I was discarded. Then Maleficent found me and everything went downhill from there." Riku breathed evenly and did his best to guard his facial expressions. He wasn't known for being emotional and that was only because he was good at concealing just what he felt. That was most likely where people misunderstood him. But Sora and Kairi were both very good at looking through the mask he put on and knowing just what he was feeling.

"All the times you beat me. I felt inferior, like the one thing I always had over you, strength, was slipping from my grasp. So I had to do something to prove, not to Kairi, but to you that I was good enough. I was childish then and I guess I didn't know what I was getting into. Darkness seemed like my only option to gain strength." He paused as a breeze picked up, playing with their hair and caressing their faces. "I learned," he said in a quiet voice. "I learned that once you invite the darkness in, it'll consume you and take over. It gives you an all powerful feeling, like a drug, and it's addicting."

He stopped and allowed time for Sora to speak. The brunette took the chance to ask what was on his mind. "After we found Kairi and she went back home, when we closed the Door to Darkness, I knew that I would have to find you. And I tried so hard to find you and bring you home with me."

Sora was naturally an emotional being and had never found true reason to cover it up. His voice was a whisper, so light that the wind almost carried it away. He sounded like he was doing his best to keep his voice steady.

"You kept running from me, Riku. I thought you wanted to come back home, with me and Kairi. But you were just being stubborn and elusive and I was worried."

"I'm sorry," Riku interjected before the boy could go on. "But…I couldn't allow you to see me and what I'd turned into. I just…I didn't want you to be disappointed in me. To hate me because I wasn't strong enough." He closed his emotion filled eyes. The waves continued to make their way along the surface of the water, hitting the beach with a peaceful voice. "I wanted to be strong enough before I could allow myself to face you. I wanted…" There was so much that he did want. "I wanted to face you when I was me again. When I wasn't the shadow of another person whom I was borrowing power from. I had to wait, to hide, to stay away from you until I was sure you wouldn't turn on me."

Sora's eyes were staring at the restive water intently. He was searching the words he just heard for the true meaning, trying to decipher just what Riku was trying to say. All along he was getting a good idea, but he had to be sure. "You did everything…for me?" he questioned. The silverette didn't answer right away which made things for Sora suspenseful. His stomach was fluttering at his point, his chest swelling.

"Yeah, Sora. I did."

"So all along, you were jealous of me. You were afraid of what I would think of you. You wanted to be strong enough for me, and prove to me that you really were strong enough."

Riku sat up more and turned his face away. "Yes," he said again. "And even now, after everything I've done, I still don't think that I'm good enough for you."

Sora still had questions to ask. Or rather, his original concern. He shifted, extending one leg down and digging his palms in the sand, similar to how Riku was sitting. "So, do you love Kairi?" He asked this time, didn't assume.

Riku wanted to shout that that wasn't true. "No. The only reason I showed more concern in finding her two years ago was because I didn't know where she was. I had already seen you, I knew that you were safe and that you would be okay. Kairi's a little sister to me, Sora, and a big brother has to protect his little sister. I'm not sure what you're relationship with her is."

"The same," Sora blurted out. A faint red tinge seized is cheeks. "I mean, I see her as a sister too."

Learning that brought a small smile to Riku's face, one that Sora caught and returned.

"So," Sora said after a silence had taken over. "You don't love Kairi. At least in that way." He glanced up at the older boy and received a small shake of the head. "Then…" he paused right there and tried to convince himself to go on. Part of him was asking what he was thinking, but Sora felt that his next words were appropriate. "Do you love me?"

The lack of voice was loud. With each passing second, Sora felt a growing panic overcome him. What would the answer be? And how would he react to either one of them? If Riku said no, that he didn't love him, what would that mean? Just because he didn't love him in a romantic sense didn't mean he didn't love him as a friend. And wasn't that good enough? Being loved in some way was better than not being loved at all. But if he said yes, how would he feel? It'd change everything, that was for sure. For the good or for the bad? It was a tricky question and not one that could be answered unless it was experienced.

Riku then lifted his head up towards the sky, the soft wispy clouds moving slowly overhead, consistently changing even if they look stationary. Like a piece of life that appeared to be completely stopped, when in reality it was moving faster than you could imagine. And he smiled, sincerely, to the sky above. "I do."

Sora bowed his head and smiled widely to the ground below him. That was good. It was good to know that he was loved.

And from that point they didn't need words to speak. They already knew what each other was thinking, and even if they didn't, it didn't matter.

"There's something out in the water," Sora remarked. He squinted his eyes against the glare of the sun being reflected off of the water's surface. He stood up, grains of sand falling from his legs, hands, and clothes. Riku sat up a bit, but didn't stand to move. He watched as Sora waded into the water, the liquid coming up to his knees and barely brushing against the bottom of his shorts. Riku tried to identify just what it was that Sora found, but he was too far away and wasn't able to.

The brunette returned to shore, looking down at the object in his hand. When Riku was able to see just what it was, his breath hitched and he had a choking sensation wash over him. He could only stare as Sora took a seat next to him, running his hands over what he found.

A glass bottle, droplets of water dripping off it like diamonds and into the sand, leaving no imprint. Inside the bottle was something wilted and brown in color.

"I think it was a flower," Sora said. He pulled out the cork from the top and turned the bottle over into his hands. The object, fragile as a newborn, easily startled to crumble as it slid out of the bottle. Sora cradled it gently in his palm, his cerulean eyes looking it over with curiosity.

Riku watched on in amazement. His gut instinct told him that that was the pansy he had sent out. And he was beyond astonished that this was even possible. He had truly believed that the flower would make it to Sora one day, but there had been a spark of doubt. It had taken a year, but the flower was here, in Sora's hand, dried and old. But it was still the pansy that he made his wish on.

"I wonder who sent it out and who it's for."

Riku found it hard to speak and he choked down his surprise.

"They must be thinking of you."

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**So Pansy is derived from the word "Pens****ée" which is French for "thought." Thus meaning, the Pansy flower can be interpreted to meaning "I'm thinking of you."**

**I hope Kristen read this. If she didn't, I think I'll cry and beg her to read this. Because I tried to put my best writing in to this so it would break my heart if she didn't read this or didn't like it. **

**All I can say to her is not to listen to Axel. She likes to mess with your head! We know how he feels for you, okay. It's quite obvious. He said he wanted to stay with you on that beach after defeating Xemnas! **

**I love you So-chan!**

**Here I am, totally ruining the ending note from you, Rucksack. I guess I'm just an easy target for Axel or something. She knows how to push my buttons and she does it constantly, but it's so hard to ignore her! I loved this story with all my heart, nya. "It made me feel like I had a heart."**

**J**

**This is my review to you. Thank you for…everything.**

**..**


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